Are shared goals required for a partnership?

The idea of shared goals in a partnership is certainly popular:

• 50 relationship goals to strive for with your partner
• What are some shared goals you have with your partner? r/AskWomen
• How Shared Goals Can Strengthen Your Relationship
• 50 Relationship Goals That’ll Help You Grow Closer as a Couple

But what exactly is a shared goal? A lot of these shared goals listed in the articles sound like action items or relationship agreements but phrased like goals as if they are something that is aimed at rather than a requirement. Maybe as a way to not beat yourself up if you don’t accomplish them?

I do think that there’s a real subset of shared goals that make sense to me like buying a house, raising a child or pet, running a successful business, etc. Additionally there are goals that you could set that you want to do together like “run a marathon”, “visit all 50 states”, or “learn how to cook pizza” for example.

Does this mean that you have to have shared goals within a partnership? Should have? Should want to have?

I think whether or not you have shared goals in a partnership depends on your view of partnership.

• Union View: A partnership creates a shared “we” and the couple moves as one.
  • Related to Love as Union
• Mutualism View: A partnership is an interdependent relationship where both parties benefit from interacting with each other.
  • Related to mutualism in biology

Both views still acknowledge that relationships should be/are mutually beneficial, but the benefit payout differs.

• Most people are probably a mixture of both; sensitive to contextual factors, but likely with a slant toward one or the other.
  • Ex: Meal Prepping
    • You could meal prep together (Union) or you could have a cooking schedule where one person cooks for the week and then the other person alternates the next week (Mutualism).
      • The outcome is probably pretty similar but the actions are organized differently.
  • Ex: Shared Hobbies
    • Some might have met/bonded with their significant other through shared hobbies while other people
      • Bodybuilding: Gym Together (Union), Support via Food, etc. (Mutualism)
• I personally lean more toward the Mutualism view because I am personally less interested in shared goals but in helping someone accomplish their own goals.

In this way I do not think partnerships need to have shared goals, but I do think that aligned partnerships necessarily have shared values/intentions.

• I feel like a lot of shared goals can usually be reframed as shared values in action.
• Having shared values should help you understand your partner’s goals which will make it easier to support them.
  • Shared values may even mean that you have similar (but still distinct) personal goals.
    • Ex: Investing in friendships
      • You could both have this goal so in some sense it is shared, but if you are investing in your individual relationships then it is not really a shared goal in the same sense since you aren’t doing it for the sake of doing it together.
• A shared vision of the future for your partnership is different than a goal, in my opinion.
• If you want to have shared goals then you should absolutely go for it! My intention for this article was more to show that you shouldn’t have to feel bad if you don’t have/want to have shared goals in a partnership.