Abolishing Romance

An anthology is my way of bringing together my sub-thoughts into bigger arguments in a more singular, cohesive piece. They are subject to change over time. Links in italics are to posts that I have written.

This page is part of a Big Question.

This page is part of the Perspectives on A-Spec Identity Anthology.

Part I: Problems With Romance

For one, romantic desire is fickle and sometimes hard to cultivate and keep alive, all of which makes me believe it to be a dubious foundation for a long-term relationship.

I think that the social organization and social messaging around romance and marriage makes us expect too much out of these relationships.

The problem with romance is that it has a lot of conceptual baggage, like societal norms, many of which are outdated and don’t serve people as well as they used to, if they ever did at all.

Part II: Can we reimagine romance?

In my article Can we reimagine romance?, I argue that while we could try to reimagine romance, that we might be better off just abandoning the concept entirely.

This is where Romantic Abolitionism comes in. This is a perfectly tenable philosophical standpoint in my opinion that holds that we need to stop using the concept of romance when it comes to relationships.

I’m not saying to get rid of candlelit dinners with your sweetie or to eliminate the fun honeymoon phase with someone new, just that we can stop limiting love by categorizing it as romantic or not.

Part III: What will it take to abolish romance?

The main task at hand is Reimagining Relationships, which is not easy and will likely look different for each person.

One small step I believe we can start is by distancing ourselves from invoking the concept of romance in our daily lives.

In Everything is not romantic, I argue that we should probably start by not using the word romantic to describe the more grandiose concepts (“This place is so romantic” or “I need to romanticize my life more”).
- While I don’t like being prescriptive about language and romanticize is technically a bit different than our contemporary concept of romance, I think we are better off trying to be more linguistically creative.

Part IV: How does this help us?

In Imagining a post-romantic world, I ask the question of “What do society and relationships look like if romance is abolished?”

The answer is what do you want it to look like?
- I think that this can bring us into the Kierkegaardian anxiety of “anxiety as the dizziness of freedom” and can feel overwhelming.

I think that you can still meaningfully have mono-partnerships without romance, but with space for all kinds of other connections as well.