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The Norms of Romance

197 Words • Love/Romance • 04/03/2024

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Relationship Escalator (you move on from one step to the other in a linear progression):

  1. You date non-exclusively
  2. You date exclusively
  3. You get married (can move in before or after)
  4. You buy a house together
  5. You have kids

read more on the relationship escalator

the relationship escalator has changed a little bit over time, but not all that much

  • there might be slight deviation in the order but people are generally expected to follow it linearly
  • within each piece of the relationship escalator are norms/expectations for people in those roles

Norms on who you can marry

  • Same race - outdated but still racism
  • Same class - still kicking but not as explicit
  • Opposite sex - outdated but still homophobia
  • Only one person - Monogamy is still strongly held but polyamory is gaining traction

Norms of what you do when married

  • Move in together - almost no discourse in opposition
  • Buy a house together - small opposing voices about buying vs renting
    • Sleep in the same bed/share a bedroom - small alternative voices
  • Share finances - some opposing voices
  • Have kids - some empowerment for DINKs

Other Love/Romance Posts

We Need More IRL Friends to Lovers

People love to read the friends to lovers trope, but why not bring it into their own lives?

The Problems With Romantic Desire

I believe that romantic desire is a fickle master that is not suitable for organizing long-term relationships.

The Allure of Convenience

I believe that part of the reason why the modern romantic relationship collapses the therapist, roommate, partner, and more into one is because it is an easier social structure. It is not the easiest to maintain however.

Romance as a Bad Organizing Principle

I believe that romance is not a good organizing principle for life or relationships.

Imagining a post-romantic world

What would a world that goes beyond romance look like?


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