The Emotionality Gap in Relationships

Article • 382 Words • Relationships, 2025 • 11/18/2025

What is emotionality and what factors affect it?

Emotionality is “the degree to which an individual experiences and expresses emotions, irrespective of the quality of the emotional experience” (Source).

• This is different than emotional distance in a relationship where you don’t feel close to the person.
  • Although the emotionality gap can be a reason for why you might feel distant from your partner.
• The way in which someone relates to their emotions can drive solutions-oriented thinking and discussion.
  • One of You Talks, One of You Shuts Down: A Therapist’s Guide to Emotional Mismatch
• Emotionality will set your emotional needs.
  • Working Through Emotional Distance in a Relationship
• Emotionality and emotional reactivity can go hand in hand.
  • Is Emotional Intensity Ruining Your Relationships?
• Sometimes the person can feel like too much.
  • Feeling Intensely: The Wounds of Being “Too Much”

Emotionality is gendered.

• Gender and Emotion Expression: A Developmental Contextual Perspective
• Gender Differences in Emotion Expression in Children: A Meta-Analytic Review

Emotionality differs in neurodiverse people.

• Emotional dysregulation is part of ADHD
• The Role of Emotion Regulation in Autism Spectrum Disorder RH: Emotion Regulation in ASD
• Situating emotion regulation in autism and ADHD through neurodivergent adolescents’ perspectives

How do interactions of different emotionality levels play out?

There is of course someone who might be “average” or more “neutral” on the emotionality scale but in a relationship with a High this would read Low and with someone Low this would read High.

High-High

• Pros:
  • You will be able to share in highs and lows together as high emoters.
• Cons:
  • There might not always be enough time or space to listen and hear to each other’s feelings.

High-Low

• Pros:
  • The High doesn’t have to compete for emotional space
  • The Low could become more emotional over time
• Cons:
  • There can be resentment or confusion about whether or not your partner loves you/enjoys spending time with you.
    • Bridging the gap: When one speaks, and the other silently feels
    • Are you an Emotionally Expressive or Self-Contained partner?

Low-Low

• Pros:
  • Both might be perfectly happy with the arrangement and not feel burdened by someone else’s emotions.
• Cons
  • A lot of romantic media has people with average to high emotionality so one or both partners might begin to wonder if the other person truly loves them or enjoys spending time with them.