Romance Feels Good, Which Is Sometimes Bad

In Polywise by Jessica Fern & David Cooley, Fern talks about how a lot of ideals of romance and the associated feelings are all centered around new relationship energy (NRE). This is also known as the honeymoon phase, the feeling of intense attraction when everything is new and exciting with a person.

• Some people say that this can stay the entire relationship, but I argue that they are feeling something else, and it just happens to resemble NRE.
  • NRE is in part because you do not know the flaws of the other person and have mostly positive associations with the relationship not having experienced much conflict.
  • There is bound to be conflict in a relationship and downtimes, but that does not mean that you cannot still have fun and enjoy the relationship with your partner.

Romance takes a lot to maintain (mostly just novelty and intention).

• I won’t deny that if it can be kept alive then it is great for the emotional health of the romantic partners, but it is definitely high-risk, high-reward.
• The good feelings of romance can be easier to forget in tough times, which is why a lot of romantic love is actually a choice! You cannot realistically feel “in love” all of the time.

I do not think that romance is the only way to feel good in a relationship.

• You can have fun without a romantic context.
• If you attracted in other ways (i.e. sexually) to a person it certainly compounds the feelings of romantic love, which is why many people identify romance to be better than it is on its own.

People like to feel good and it can be hard to let go of something that feels good (or once did).

• Romance can be the high highs with someone, which can sometimes make the low lows feel worth it. It certainly can, but it also depends on what kind of situation it is (abusive or not, for example).