Thoughts on Polynormativity

Stub • 290 Words • Non-monogamy, 2025 • 11/25/2025

⚠️ This post contains a rougher cut of my thoughts on the topic and may be updated in the future. Please forgive any mistakes or lack of polish!

The model of polyamory that the media has kind of run with places couples as the core concept.

Polyamory as people having multiple partners is the most easy to understand from a monogamous point of view. Nonmonogamy by the Numbers by Tim Requarth
The kinds of stories and research shared of non-monogamy in the past certainly centered around rich White people, but studies do not show a link. A representation/visibility bias is all. And this is just how the media works unfortunately.

I said Polyamory in this article and I might have meant non-monogamy as an umbrella, but there is something to be said through a polynormative lens. This is because even if you are practicing polyamory you will likely be able to have deeper relationships even if they don’t become a romantic partner of yours.
- This can easily lead into hierarchical polyamory which I don’t really personally believe is a good model, but people are free to practice whatever they want as long as everyone consents and is happy with the arrangement.
- Non-monogamy has so many rich philosophies on how to relate and connect with people outside of the construct of a couple that are more radical and transformative that I think people could benefit more from.

I was never really attracted to Polyamory. I sometimes used it as shorthand to explain it to friends/family, but upon reading Zanin’s article as well as their book More Than Two I realized how important the terminology I was using really was.
Relationship Anarchy is certainly radical and deserves the name, but I do wonder if it is a barrier to widespread adoption.

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