Can you not have enough time for polyamory?

In talking to people about non-monogamy, I oftentimes hear some kind of variation of: “I could never be polyamorous, I barely have the time or energy to support one partner.” While I think that this is a legitimate concern, I believe that it doesn’t actually stand up upon further reflection. While there is a fixed amount of time in each day, there are three possible ways for polyamory to be able to fit into your schedule:

1. You use less time
2. You get more time
3. You better use existing time

This isn’t to say that you can’t get too busy in life to neglect your relationships, or that I think that everyone has good time management skills, I just mean to say that in general this kind of thinking can be a mental barrier from actively engaging in how non-monogamy could fit into your life/change it.

It might not take as much time as you think

1. You don’t have to be dating multiple people to be non-monogamous; you just have to be open and prepared to the idea of you or your partner doing so.
   • You don’t have to be actively dating other people to be non-monogamous.
   • Your partner could be dating other people while you don’t if you are pressed for time/energy.
   • It’s about being open to experience.
2. You don’t have to see everyone all the time.
   • There are certain monogamous expectations that you must free yourself from.
3. People are flexible.
   • People adapt to the circumstances. If there’s not a lot of time, maybe communication and time spent together contracts, but it could expand or contract in the future.
4. If dating together with other partners, you can see multiple people at a time for more efficiency.
   • One on one time is always nice, but group time is just as valid (depending on what everyone wants, of course).
5. People engaging in non-monogamy are likely to have other partners and/or robust support systems.
   • They don’t need to hang out as much or rely on you for everything.
6. You can look for partners who are okay with less or who can integrate well with what you already have.

You could actually get time back

1. More people might actually help you.
   • It could lead to less mental and/or domestic load if you have partners who are actively helping and leaning in.
   • There are tasks that can be shared or delegated to other people that would lead to you having more free time and energy.

You can get better at using your time

1. Most people are not using their time efficiently.
   • People rise to the challenge of limitations.
   • You can usually make the time if you want to.
     • If you don’t have the time, you won’t be able to find new partners. Unless it happens by chance, but then you should have the ability to take up chance encounters!
2. Scheduling time to be with your partner is completely fine.