Reimagining Romance

Romance is not bad per se, but I think that centering it in your personal life and in society leads to a myriad of problems. All links in this anthology are to things that I have written on my site. In this anthology I am attempting to “glue” my various thoughts on romance together in a more singular, cohesive piece.

Part I: Problems With Romance

I do not think that romance/romantic relationships should be a primary life goal. I have no problem with romantic relationships per se, but I think that they should be only a portion of your total relationships/energy/time.

Romantic desire is fickle and sometimes hard to cultivate and keep alive, all of which makes me believe it to be a dubious foundation for a long-term relationship.

• The Problems With Romantic Desire
• Romance as a Bad Organizing Principle

There is no one way to cultivate a long-term partnership and I think that the social messaging around romance and marriage makes us complacent in giving our all in those relationships, which makes us expect too much in return.

• Detangling Romance and Partnership
• The Allure of Convenience

The problem with romance is that it has a lot of conceptual baggage, like societal norms, many of which are outdated and don’t serve people as well as they used to, if they ever did at all.

• The Norms of Romance

Part II: Reimagining Romance

There are a number of different positions that you can hold in regards to romance.

• Romantic Apologist: Someone who thinks that romance is the right way to organize society and that romantic love is the highest form of love.
• Romantic Reformer: Romance has its place but romance itself or values surrounding it have to be changed.
• Romantic Abolitionist: Romance has no place in society and should be abandoned altogether and instead embracing love in general.

While I think it is an interesting intellectual exercise to imagine a post-romantic world, I fall somewhere in the Reformer position.

I think that non-monogamous romance that doesn’t necessarily lead to partnership would be the ideal state of romance in society.

• Romance should be light & fun, it can lead to something, but no worries if not
• I feel that a a lot of people choose not to pursue things because they are scared about the long-term, but also that a lot of people stay in the long-term when they really should’t.